


From Russia With Love

by scarredsodeep



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Chatting & Messaging, Epistolary, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Femslash, Fluff, Humor, Mistaken Identity, Misunderstandings, Online Relationship, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-05 16:56:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4187622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarredsodeep/pseuds/scarredsodeep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pepper Potts is sick and tired of being pestered about her love life by her boss, of all people. It starts with one small lie: "I'm seeing someone." Next thing she knows, Pepper's signing up for texts from a fake boyfriend. Next thing after that, she's ENJOYING them. And Pepper's not the only one lying--the charming Alex Roman she's been texting goes by another name: Natasha Romanova...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tuesday, June 15

 

**< _Messages_                        Tony                      _Details_**

**TS 6:42am:** Glad tidings and salutations, Pep! You’ll never guess what I did last night

**PP 6:45am:** I am not having this conversation before 9 a.m.

**TS 6:46am:** Hold that thought

**TS 9:01am:** Good day, sunshine!

**TS 9:01am:** I’ve finally done it: I found your soulmate.

**PP 9:12am:** I am not having this conversation EVER.

**TS 9:17am:** Peppppppppppper

**PP 9:43am:** No

**TS 9:43am:** You can’t say “no” to your soulmate!

**PP 9:51am:** Tony, no

**TS 9:52am:** You’re going to love this guy, I promise

**TS 9:52am:** Much better than the last one

**TS 9:53am:** I scheduled a lunch date for you tomorrow, what’s more innocuous than a lunch date? Just meet him!

**TS 9:55am:** It bums me out when you eat lunch at your desk in front of your computer. Bums everyone out, really. I’m trying to build a better workplace

**PP 9:55am:** Tony! I’m trying to WORK in the workplace!

**PP 9:56am:** And I know for a fact you’re in a shareholder meeting right now, so put your phone away. Nobody trusts you with a phone in your hand after what you did at that hearing

**TS 9:57am:** Nope. I’m going to unsettle the shareholders with my tech savvy and ill-mannered negligence until you say yes to your destiny.

**TS 9:58am:** Jeez, you sure are treating the shareholders poorly

**TS 9:59am:** SOULMATE, Potts! Would I kid about this?

**PP 10:02am:** The last time you set me up, it was with your chauffeur.

**TS 10:03am:** And I still think you should have given Happy a chance, he’s a great guy!

**PP 10:05am:** Tony, my answer is no.

**TS 10:07am:** Okay, fine, I can take a hint. I’ll find you a taller soulmate.

**PP 10:10am:** I assure you it’s not a height issue. I am not looking for a soulmate

**TS 10:11am:** That is the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard.

**TS 10:11am:** You have the suicide hotline number, right?

**TS 10:11am:** For when your pitiful spinsterhood becomes too much to bear and you start getting the itch to dive off the George Washington Bridge?

**PP 10:12am:** OH MY GOD

**PP 10:12am:** If you MUST know, I’m already seeing someone

**TS 10:13am:** Pepper

**TS 10:13am:** Pepper I must know

**TS 10:13am:** It’s hurtful when you push me out of your life like this Pepper

**PP 10:14am:** I’m turning off my phone

**TS 10:15am:** Well honestly I’m not paying you to text anyway

**PP 10:15am:** GOODBYE, TONY

* * *

 

**TRULUVCLUB MEMBER REGISTRATION**

_Name:_ Pepper Potts

_Email:_ vpotts@stark.com

_Phone_ : 212-381-4324

_Age:_ 27

_Gender_ : F

_Location:_ Malibu, CA

_Hair color:_ Prefer not to say

_Eye color:_ Prefer not to say

_Height:_ Prefer not to say

Companion Characteristics

_Age_ : 25-31

_Gender_ : M

_Occupation (select from drop down)_ : Humanitarian Works

_Education Level (select from drop down)_ : Bachelor’s Degree

_Relationship Type (select from drop down)_ : Casual dating

_Briefly describe any personality preferences for your companion:_ Focused, attentive, kind, quiet, reliable. Doesn’t send obnoxious text messages before 6:45. Basically just the opposite of Tony Stark.

Membership Package

● Basic Membership _(includes texts and emails)_ 59.97/month   **AT JUST $2 PER DAY, OUR BEST VALUE!**

○ Hot’n’Heavy Membership ( _includes texts, emails, nude pics, and sexting)_ $99.97/month **OUR SEXIESET PACKAGE**

○ Lovebird Special _(includes texts, emails, phone calls, and public social media interactions)_ $129.97/month **FOR THE TRUE ROMANTIC**

○ Premium Membership _(_ ( _includes texts, emails, pics, video, phone calls, sexting, and public social media interactions)_ $305.00/month **EVERYTHING AN IRL RELATIONSHIP HAS TO OFFER, ON YOUR TERMS**

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (2)**

**From:** [admin@truluvclub.com](mailto:admin@truluvclub.com)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 15:02:03, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Confirmation Order #375562

THIS IS AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE—DO NOT REPLY

Congratulations! Order #375562 has been reviewed and accepted. You will receive your first contact from your new casual romantic companion shortly. You have signed up for a basic membership, meaning you can expect between 5-30 private online communications per day. If your communications exceed 50 messages from your companion per day, please note that your account will be subject to additional charges of $9.95 USD per 1000 words. There is no limit to the amount of communications you may send. Note that voice phone calls, public social media interactions, video and picture messages, and sexual simulations are not part of this package, and an account upgrade is required to add these services.

Your credit card will automatically be charged $59.97 on the 15th of each month. To cancel, change, or upgrade your subscription, access your account management page at truluvclub.com/account. To avoid accruing additional charges, be sure to modify your subscription prior to the start of a new billing period. Although you may cancel your subscription at any time, all charges are nonrefundable. **Note:** To preserve the integrity of your naturalistic relationship experience, all TruLuv companions have been instructed not to discuss business matters directly with clients. As such, any questions or concerns about your membership must be directed to customer service, reachable by email at [support@truluvclub.com](mailto:support@truluvclub.com) or by phone at 1-800-TRULUVV.

With your TruLuvClub membership, you are getting much more than automated texts and emails. Your companion will be hand-selected to meet your needs from a large pool of attractive, intelligent, and qualified professionals. Each message you receive will be sincerely composed by a real human, and your conversations will be equally as real as any other in your life. Remember, your TruLuv membership does not just give you the _appearance_ of a relationship: it gives you the opportunity to participate in one. With time, attention, and care, who can say what it will blossom into?

As with any new relationship, we recommend you spend some time getting to know your companion. Introduce yourself; explain your interests, your history, what you’re looking for. If you do not make a satisfying connection with your companion or believe you are incompatible after one week’s time, you can request a new relationship provider by visiting our help page at truluvclub.com/account/problems.

Happy romancing!

Best wishes and much happiness,

The TruLuvClub Team

_The ~only~ organic relationship provider on the web since 2009_

**From:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 15:32:40, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Happy Tuesday

I’ve been thinking of you and how we met. A sudden downpour on the streets of downtown Malibu, and neither of us with an umbrella. Thinking only to get out of the rain, I ducked into the nearest doorway—and there you were. Your bare arms glittering with rain, your eyelashes hung with faceted drops, your hair swept back by the wind. Maybe it was the cold kiss of the rain and maybe it was the sight of you, but I remember chills running down my spine, my hair standing on end, a feeling in my gut like this was the precipice and I was about to fling myself off it.

I won’t describe you as _beautiful_ because, at least in the cool grey glow of my memory, the entire concept of beauty seems two-dimensional, inadequate—cardboard. I was not struck by _beauty_ but by the incredible, shivering _potential_ of that moment. It took my breath away.

It continues to take my breath away.

Anyway, what I’m writing to say is, I hope you’re having a good day at work. You’re on my mind, lovely girl.

xoxo Alex

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – SENT (1)**

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**Timestamp:** 16:05:33, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Re: Happy Tuesday

Oh god, this was a mistake. I’m sorry, I can’t do this. Please don’t write again.

\--

_Pepper Potts_

_Chief Administrative Assistant_

_Stark Industries_

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [admin@truluvclub.com](mailto:admin@truluvclub.com)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 16:23:06, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Cancellation Order #375562

THIS IS AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE—DO NOT REPLY

Your cancellation of auto-renew has been received. Your account will remain active for the remainder of your paid period, after which time it will be deactivated. Any charges already issued will not be refunded.

You may rejoin the TruLuvClub at any time. If there is anything we can do to improve your customer experience, please contact us by email at [support@truluvclub.com](mailto:support@truluvclub.com) or 1-800-TRULUVV.

Best wishes and much happiness,

The TruLuvClub Team

_The ~only~ organic relationship provider on the web since 2009_

 

* * *

 

**Microsoft Lync**

**James Barnes – Available**

**IM**                           Call                         Video                    Share

_Natasha Romanova_

                Yet another doubter

                Am I imagining things, or do I selectively get all the skittish clients?

_James Barnes_

                That’s why I only take photo clients. Gives them something to believe in ^^

_Natasha Romanova_

                Your world-renowned subtlety is showing, Buck

                 At least half of my clientele would be rather alarmed to see a photo of me

_James Barnes_

                This is what happens when you try to be all things to all people, I suppose! You want me to send you the reassurance email template I use?

_Natasha Romanova_

                Nah, I don’t use templates unless I’m totally swamped

_James Barnes_

                You carry twice the clients I do. I refuse to believe you aren’t totally swamped!

                I can barely keep up with I’ve got; don’t know how you do it. keeping all your stories straight, AND making so many lonelyhearts feel connected to you at once. Sounds exhausting, Nat

_Natasha Romanova_

                I’ll tell you when I’m exhausted

                Anyway, I’m… skilled at keeping my distance. It’s fun, playing so many roles at once. Like walking a razor’s edge. Keeps me from falling asleep at my desk, at least

_James Barnes_

                Your bragging is highly distracting, you know my feeble brain can only carry on so many conversations at once

_Natasha Romanova_

                Okay, okay, back to work

_James Barnes_

                Talk to ya later

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 16:55:21, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Re: Re: Happy Tuesday

Okay, it seems like I spooked you. I know this process feels a little weird and artificial at first, but I promise, it gets easier. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to tell you a little bit about myself, to see if we can’t reach an understanding after all. I think we have something to offer each other, Pepper, and since you’ve paid for the whole month anyway, what’s the harm in giving it a try?

Alex

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – SENT (1)**

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**Timestamp:** 18:10:00, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Happy Tuesday

I thought Relationship Providers weren’t supposed to discuss business with Clients? To “preserve the integrity” of the experience? I mean, you even have some fake humanitarian organization email server set up! How can you tell me about yourself when I designed you—when you’re some whole other person playing pretend because I’m, god, too pathetic to go on a real date?

Here’s the thing: I’m not looking for a relationship or a soulmate or anything like that. I can’t even believe how stupid it sounds, but I only signed up for this because my boss was annoying me about going on a date, and he was so irritating—he can be especially irritating—that I ended up saying that I’m seeing someone, which I’m not. And then on a total whim I signed up for this horrifying service, not to “experience a relationship” but just purely for the appearance of one, like some automated chatbot texts would have done the job just fine, and here we are. Obviously this is a different kind of service than what I need, because what I need is clearly some kind of therapy and possibly to go on an actual date. (I mean, if these are the lengths I’m going to to avoid being set up, then maybe my boss is right, and I really have been single too long...)

I’m sorry for wasting your time.

\--

_Pepper Potts_

_Chief Administrative Assistant_

_Stark Industries_

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 17:15:46, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Tuesday

Tony Stark, right? Tony Stark is setting you up on blind dates and you’d prefer to talk to some ridiculous impostor than go on another one? Based on what shows up about him in the media, I don’t know that I’d want to meet face-to-face with his relationship decisions either.

So I’ll forgive you for all the thinly veiled insults in that last message. Look: I’ll break the rules a little. As you pointed out, I have already been breaking the rules. I don’t have to be a BA humanitarian worker, aged 25-31, who has a boring Hallmark channel set of personality traits. Instead I can just be a person, who you hired to perform the service of warding off your boss’s unwanted matchmaking, and we can go from there.

I’m a little concerned you’re still checking your work email at—what is it, after six o’clock by you? If it’s okay with you, we can switch to text.

Alex

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – SENT (1)**

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**Timestamp:** 18:30:07, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Tuesday

Ohhhhhhh my god my work signature. I left my work signature on my email, and now you know that Tony Stark is my boss and he’s the one I’m complaining about, and you already know my real name, and now you can Google pictures of me, and that’s just REALLY CREEPY, okay, Alex? This is all really creepy.

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 18:33:52, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Tuesday

I know. I’m sorry. Resisting loudly does not make it any less creepy, btw.

I also know Tony Stark is your boss because you put “the opposite of Tony Stark” on your registration form.

Alex

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – SENT (1)**

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**Timestamp:** 18:35:12, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Tuesday

I didn’t think you’d SEE that! Shit. This whole situation is totally spiraling out of my control.

Okay. I want to apologize. I didn’t mean to insult you by, um, hurling insults at you. Okay, I meant to insult you, probably because I’m finding this whole thing very humiliated and I didn’t want to be the only embarrassed one. Yet another flawless plan by Pepper Potts.

You’re right. Even if this is a little more—intensely fantastical, let’s say—than I imagined, I might as well get a few texts with hearts in them to corroborate my supposed relationship. If you’re going to be crazy, might as well go full-bore crazy, right?

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 18:41:40, 06-15-2012

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Tuesday

I’m pleased, truly.

Now go home. I am certain you have been at work too long.

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Tony                      _Details_**

**TS 7:02pm:** just checking you haven’t been kidnapped, I went by your office just now and it’s deserted

**PP 7:03pm:** I went home.

**TS 7:03pm:** You?! HOME?! Pepper it’s barely 7

**TS 7:03pm:** Are the kidnappers making you say that?

**PP 7:05pm:** I have plans with a friend

**TS 7:06pm** : Oh em gee

**TS 7:06pm** : You HAVE to let me meet him

**TS 7:06pm:** I’ll arrange a dinner party. You, your beau, a few of my closest friends, the entire media. My place, Friday night, 8 o’clock. I’ll fly in that chef you like from Philadelphia!

**PP 7:07pm:** I am not doing that. Goodnight, Tony.

**TS 7:08pm:** You wound me, madam!

**TS 7:12pm:** Have a good night, Pep.

**TS 7:15pm:** I look forward to Friday

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**PP 6:58pm:** Just got home.

**A 6:59pm:** Glad to hear it!

**PP 7:00pm:** This is stupid, but I always put full names in my phone. Can I have your full name?

**A 7:01pm:** Of course! I’d have told you earlier if you weren’t being difficult :)

**A 7:01pm:** (That was a joke)

**A 7:01pm:** (A very distasteful joke)

**A 7:01pm:** (That was the only cheap shot I’ll take about it, I promise)

**PP 7:02pm:** Your name?

**A 7:02pm:** Aleksei Roman

**PP 7:02pm:** Russian?

**AR 7:03pm:** Nothing gets by you ;)

**PP 7:04pm:** …I am trying really hard to stay behind the fourth wall but it’s really hard not to be curious

**PP 7:04pm:** Are you actually Russian? Or is it a weird sex thing? I definitely didn’t put any weird sex things in my profile, I remember that distinctly

**AR 7:05pm:** Endlessly exploring the pretense makes it ever so difficult to maintain, my dear. Proposition: one out-of-character question per day, honestly answered.

**AR 7:05pm:** For each of us.

**AR 7:05pm:** Deal?

**PP 7:06pm:** I do not love this proposition

**PP 7:06pm:** I am paying for a service, you know

**AR 7:06pm:** PEPPER

**AR 7:07pm:** C’mon

**AR 7:07pm:** Do you truly want to argue that you are not getting what you’ve paid for?

**PP 7:07pm:** if you think you can live up to $2 per day, be my guest

**PP 7:08pm:** I’m sorry, I sound like an asshole again, don’t I? I think I come off better with inflection

**AR 7:08pm:** Deal or no deal, Potts?

**PP 7:09pm:** Deal. But only because I feel kinda bad

**AR 7:09pm:** Luckily for us both, I am not a picky man

**AR 7:09pm:** Yes, I am actually Russian. (TLC has satellite offices in Russia and India. I’ll let you guess which one I’m from.)

**AR 7:09pm:** I am also quite curious about this “sex thing” you apparently associate with Russians??? Is there some mystery charisma I could have been capitalizing on this whole time? Do you have a thing for fur hats?

**PP 7:10pm:** Does this count as your question? Are you cashing out?

**AR 7:11pm:** I am more intrigued than I thought possible

**AR 7:11pm:** Yes, this counts

**PP 7:13pm:** Okay. It’s not the fur hats. It’s the accent. I think it’s a sexy accent. The whole language is kinda sexy, if I’m being honest.

**AR 7:13pm:** totally worth it. No regrets. I can’t wait to ask another question tomorrow.

**AR 7:13pm:** Spoilers: it will be about your underwear

**AR 7:13pm:** JOKING!

**AR 7:14pm:** I think I might be better with inflection, too

**PP 7:14pm:** Haha, it’s okay, you made me laugh

**PP 7:14pm:** I’m going to get myself some dinner. Talk to you tomorrow, I suppose

**AR 7:14pm:** Be honest. You’re kind of looking forward to it, are you not?

**PP 7:15pm:** Already used your question.

**AR 7:15pm:** Well played. Until tomorrow, Pepper. xoxo

* * *

**Microsoft Lync**

**James Barnes – Available**

**IM**                           Call                         Video                    Share

_Natasha Romanova_

                I’m in

_James Barnes_

                What did I say about bragging?

 

 

 


	2. Friday, June 18

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (2)**

**From:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 08:32:07, 06-18-2012

**Subject:** Friday, I’m Cautious

доброе утро! That’s Russian for good morning. (I haven’t forgotten what you said the other day. I haven’t forgotten anything you’ve said, truly. I find myself rapt.) To imagine me saying this and therefore maximizing the sexiness quotient of this email, the Americanized pronunciation of the Cyrillic is something like _dobroye utro._ You can take THAT all the way to Google.

 

Although we met only a short time ago, I feel starved for you. I have persuaded you to divulge to me such prized facts as what you look like, whether your office has windows, the last movie you’ve seen, the bands you’re embarrassed to have listened to in high school, the bands you’re embarrassed to still listen to now, what television show you eat your dinner in front of, what you make for dinner, and other such ephemera. And I feel as if we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well—only confirming my affection for you, I confess.

But I want to know more.

Cautiously, then, and not wanting to rush things, I wondered if you’d watch a movie with me tonight. It’s hard to coordinate long-distance, but if we both rent the same DVD and press ‘play’ at the same moment, we should be able to message about the film in real time without too much trouble. Let me know what you think about this plan. I know it sounds frighteningly date-like. But, Pepper—I am finding more and more that I want to date you.

xoxo Alex

 

**From:** [jarvis@stark.com](mailto:jarvis@stark.com)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 09:00:01, 06-18-2012

**Subject:** Dinner Invitation

Ms. Potts,

You and your gentleman suitor are cordially invited to a formal dinner party at the home of Mr. Stark this evening. Appetizers will be served at 8:00pm. We eagerly await your RSVP.

You will find that I have already put the event into your calendar. I wouldn’t presume, but Mr. Stark assured me you had cleared your evening after he issued a verbal invitation earlier in the week. When I accessed your calendar, I found that this was so. In the event that you are no longer available and must delete the event from your evening, of course I will understand.

Although I cannot guarantee the same of Mr. Stark.

Sincerely,

Jarvis

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – SENT (2)**

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**Timestamp:** 09:32:07, 06-18-2012

**Subject:** Re: Friday, I’m Cautious

If I can wear my pajamas, I’m yours.

 

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [jarvis@stark.com](mailto:jarvis@stark.com)

**Cc:** [thestark@stark.com](mailto:thestark@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 9:33:45, 06-18-2012

**Subject:** Re: Dinner Invitation

Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend this evening’s festivities.

If you find yourself overburdened by leftovers, I will be more than happy to assist. Due to the general excess of scheduling necessary to manage Mr. Stark’s life, it has been an embarrassingly long time since I have been to a grocery store.

Regretfully,

Pepper

\--

_Pepper Potts_

_Chief Administrative Assistant_

_Stark Industries_

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**PP 11:41am:** Text with hearts in 30 seconds pls

**AR 11:42am:** <3 <3 <3 Can’t wait for tonight, babe

**PP 11:50am:** How did I ever get by without you

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**PP 11:32pm:** I don’t think I get Russian film

**AR 11:33pm:** it’s not just you

**AR 11:33pm:** I picked this to impress you

**AR 11:34pm:** I am so sorry for us both

**PP 11:34pm:** Okay, next time I pick the movie

**AR 11:35pm:** Next time?

**PP 11:36pm:** Shut up

**PP 11:36pm:** It’s just, I’m surprised how much I’m enjoying this

**PP 11:37pm:** I didn’t think I’d ever find a relationship that worked with my insane schedule, or my intense emotional involvement with my work, or the three separate occasions on which I thought I was going on a date with Tony Stark and was mistaken, or the one occasion on which I was positive I was NOT going on a date with Tony Stark and was, once again, mistaken

**PP 11:38pm:** My life is messy and weird and it was starting to seem like I’d never have room for another person in it

**PP 11:38pm:** Seriously, before today it had been three weeks since I’d been to a grocery store. The delivery guy knows me by the sound of my voice. When I call he does this little sigh, like he’s disappointed and thinking about my sodium intake, and says “Hello again”

**PP 11:39pm:** Okay, you didn’t need to know that, now I’m embarrassed

**PP 11:39pm:** my point is, I like you. I know it’s an act and I know it’s just for a month, but I’m having a nice time. I don’t usually have many… non-work friends

**AR 11:40pm:** Up until that last message you were being really sweet

**AR 11:40pm:** You keep telling me it’s all just an act and I don’t mean any of it, but how would you feel if I told you you didn’t *mean it* when you do your job? Just because it’s a job doesn’t mean it’s a lie. doesn’t mean I’m not a person sitting here with their phone watching a bad Russian movie and CONNECTING with you. does that make sense?

**PP 11:45pm:** Yeah, it does.

**PP 11:45pm:** this is where I’m supposed to apologize, right?

**PP 11:45pm:** It’s just that I remembered—reminded myself, I guess—of the pretense of it all and it was like zooming out. Now I feel far from you, and ridiculous, and alone

**AR 11:50pm:** Me too

**PP 11:58pm:** 2 minutes left to do questions

**AR 11:58pm:** I don’t have anything to ask tonight.

**PP 11:59pm:** Okay, then I’ll go.

**PP 11:59pm:** Is Alex your real name?

**AR 12:01am:** Ask me tomorrow.


	3. Saturday, June 19

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**AR 8:37am:** Listen, you probably just fell asleep or something, but I feel really weird about last night

**AR 9:44am:** Are you still sleeping?

**AR 10:16am:** Pepper?

**AR 5:09pm:** Pepper?

**AR 10:27pm:** Goodnight, Pepper.


	4. Monday, June 21

**Microsoft Lync**

**James Barnes – Available**

**IM**                           Call                         Video                    Share

_James Barnes_

                Nat, I can hear you sulking from here

                Most of us are pleased when accounts go inactive, you know: money without work, it’s the great American dream

_Natasha Romanova_

                Given that we’re not IN America, I’ll keep my ridiculously high standards for my own performance, thanks

_James Barnes_

                Ouch

                Right in the stars & stripes

                For real, though, what’s going on?

_Natasha Romanova_

                Not sure yet. Just… something feels different about this one

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – SENT (1)**

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**Timestamp:** 12:31:02, 06-21-2012

**Subject:** Apology

Alex,

You’re being too nice to say it, I guess, so I will. I’m an ass. I was rude to you and dismissive and I don’t really have a good reason. It’s just that this whole TruLuv thing makes me feel… pervy? Pathetic. Mostly pathetic. As if I literally cannot fit a companion in my life, or find someone who will _tolerate_ my life, without paying them.

It’s not your fault that that’s the truth, but it’s easier to blame you than look at myself.

I had a good time the other night and, in doing so, I forgot about the… artifice. Then I got angry at you when I saw the strings. I feel stupid for forgetting, for enjoying myself, for _liking_ you, because this is all—a show. It is. Don’t say it’s not. You can’t even tell me your real name. Even if you mean it, even if you mean every word, the truth is that I’m in a position where I don’t and won’t know you. And that makes me not want to show you my real self, either.

Except here’s the thing. I’m _always_ acting. Who do I ever show my real face to? Who do I ever let close? Pepper Potts is a wall of a woman and I cut vulnerabilities out of my heart without anesthetic. Without flinching. While wearing a pressed white suit and expensive heels. Pepper Potts is perfectly composed, flawlessly organized, everything to everybody—capable of anything.

I’m not her.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense, or if it’s even actually an apology or just more insults wrapped up in self-deprecating remarks. I know that the only way to do this, without continuously insulting you and hating myself in an ongoing fashion, is to buy in. To stop holding back and throw myself in. To be the messy ponytailed, sweatpants wearing, sodium guzzling, emotion fearing person that I really am (at least sometimes). Sometimes I really am Super Pepper, but mostly I’m not.

I don’t know if I can buy in, Alex, is the thing. I have spent a lifetime holding myself slightly aloof from everything. You can’t be in control if you let things really touch you. And this is a stupid, stupid thing to choose to buy into. Questions like “why not an actual real person?” spring to mind. But that’s insulting again. You are a real person, just like the Pepper Potts eating thai leftovers in front of her computer at work is a real person, just like the Pepper Potts turning down the business propositions from scary Iranians without so much as blinking is a real person. Different shades of reality. Different levels of performance. Different parts of the show.

What I’m getting at (other than, definitely don’t try to type and chopstick at the same time, you WILL get basil fried rice in your keyboard) is, I have to decide. I think I’m deciding. Fuck it. Being angry about it does not change the fact that I am at a place in my life where it is actually necessary to pay for false companionship in order to avoid the risks and time commitments of ACTUAL companionship, and I am just going to have to own it.

So, whoever you really are, this is it. This is _me_. Let’s spend a month together.

\- the person formerly known as Pepper Potts

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Tony                      _Details_**

**TS 2:15pm:** I need someone to come to my colonoscopy with me.

**PP 2:18pm:** I think we BOTH know I’m not that person

**TS 2:19pm:** pepper

**TS 2:19pm:** pepper what if they find A LUMP

**PP 2:20pm:** Reasonably confident that’s mammograms

**TS 2:21pm:** Are you really going to let me face the spectre of rectum lumps alone?!

**PP 2:22pm:** I mean when you put it like that

**PP 2:22pm:** OF COURSE I AM

**TS 2:23pm:** That hurts Pep, that really hurts

**PP 2:25pm:** Ask Jarvis

**TS 2:27pm:** Jarvis says no

**PP 2:28pm:** Isn’t the point of a robot butler that you can just… program him to be really interested in colonoscopies? When that’s a service you require?

**TS 2:29pm:** Jarvis wants you to know that that’s hurtful

**TS 2:29pm:** And prejudiced against AI

**TS 2:29pm:** And he expected better from you, Miss Potts, based on your long history of what he ~presumed~ was mutual respect

**TS 2:30pm:** Also, both Jarvis and myself would like you to know that “robot” is an offensive term, given his absence of a corporeal body

**TS 2:30pm:** A FACTOR WHICH ALSO LIMITS HIS ABILITY TO BE COMFORTING DURING FRIGHTENING MEDICAL PROCEDURES

**TS 2:31pm:** Okay, Jarvis wants ME to know that THAT was hurtful

**PP 2:31pm:** Tony?

**TS 2:32pm:** Yes?

**PP 2:32pm:** I will consider going to your colonscopy with you

**PP 2:33pm:** NOT as a result of Jarvis’ shame campaign, but because Google suggests that people who have fasted and then been anesthetized should not drive themselves home

**TS 2:34pm:** Now Jarvis is upset that you’re throwing Google in his face like that

**TS 2:34pm:** Jarvis would like you to know that he has a very respectable search engine function

**TS 2:35pm:** Jarvis would like you to know that if you would allow him access to your personal data cloud and devices you could already be benefiting from his search engine function

**TS 2:35pm:** which typically, he would like to add, returns results .0007 seconds more quickly than Google, and has the added benefit of sensitive screening for the result algorithmically most likely to match with your personality and intent

**TS 2:35pm:** SO

**PP 2:36pm:** You know what?

**TS 2:36pm:** Yes?

**PP 2:37pm:** This is what you have a chauffeur for. I’m not accompanying you to ANY colon or rectum related medical appointments, now or ever

**TS 2:37pm:** WHOA WHOA WHOA, let’s not be hasty! Let’s not say things we’ll regret

**PP 2:39pm:** Urgent matter needing my attention just came up—gtg

**TS 2:39pm:** More urgent than my need for attention?

**PS 2:40pm:** Yes

**PS 2:40pm:** We’ll talk later

**TS 2:41pm:** Fiiiiiiiine

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 14:38:20, 06-21-2012

**Subject:** Re: Apology

It is possible that no one has told you this before, but you are pretty garbage at apologies.

 

And yet.

There is so much honesty in what you’ve written. You really are an unflinching woman in a white suit with a bloody scalpel, even if that’s only one of the things you are. You are remorseless in inspecting your own heart, your own motives. I cannot help but respect that. You have bared yourself to me (even as you’ve made glib remarks about how you aren’t sure if you can do that).

It makes me want to do the same.

It is hard to express, in an email. I will not try. It is something I could show you, maybe, but not in words say. There is not even a romantic word in Russian that perfectly captures what I feel now. It is—an ache. An aching.

Let me say this, instead. It is my job to—simulate the experience of companionship, and in doing so, provide true companionship to those who allow it. It is not my _job_ to be genuine. To be genuine is a choice. There are fewer choices than you’d think, in the types of experiences I am—you never fail to observe—paid to provide. But I am choosing now.

You will wear your real face, honest and vulnerable and not sorry, I hope, for all the women that you are; and I will be, if nothing greater, genuine.

Yours,

A

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**PP 2:50pm:** …Hey

**AR 2:51pm:** Hi


	5. Thursday, June 24

**Thursday, June 24**

 

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**PP 11:47am:** So what did you want to be, when you grew up?

 **PP 11:47am:** I assume it wasn’t always ‘fake internet boyfriend.’

 **AR 11:49am:** I reject the implication that this is anything less than a coveted career

 **AR 11:50am:** Where do you think it falls on the spectrum of ‘astronaut’ to ‘Tony Stark’s babysitter’? ^^

 **PP 11:50am:** Hey!

 **PP 11:51am:** Okay, I deserved that

 **PP 11:51am:** *I* wanted to do humanitarian aid work. There were grand plans to join the Peace Corps or some other glamorously self-sacrificing and important thing

 **AR 11:53am:** Not so different from what you do now, then?

 **PP 11:53am:** Ha ha, very funny

 **AR 11:54am:** No, I meant it!

 **AR 11:56am:** the self-sacrifice is obvious: time zones do not conceal from me that void you keep where normal people hold their work-life balance. And what you do IS important—the economic weight shifting and weapons manufacturing decisions of Stark Industries have global consequences and you know it, even if you don’t see it from your side of the ocean. Regimes rise and fall—people live and die by the deals you, Pepper Herself, broker

 **AR 11:59am:** not even getting started on the charitable foundations you’ve built with Stark cash…

 **AR 11:59am:** I assume your silence means you’d like me to start?

 **PP 12:00pm:** I’m blushing, I’m actually blushing on my face, you must stop!

 **AR 12:00pm:** Blushing redhead, huh? Tell me about your freckle situation

 **PP 12:01pm:** don’t think I’m blushing so hard I don’t see you using flattery to dodge the question

 **PP 12:01pm:** I’m onto you, Roman

 **AR 12:03pm:** Very well.

 **AR 12:03pm:** If you insist…………………..

 **PP 12:04pm:** This is me insisting

 **AR 12:05pm:** Fine then

 **AR 12:06pm:** If you’re sure you won’t relent…

 **PP 12:06pm:** ALEX

 **PP 12:07pm:** PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE TONY

 **AR 12:08pm:** Ouch. That chastisement is super effective

 **AR 12:09pm:** When I was young, I wanted to be a ballerina.

 **AR 12:10pm:** A ballet dancer, I mean

 **AR 12:10pm:** of the male variety

 **AR 12:10pm:** A male dancer in a ballet company

 **AR 12:10pm:** A balletician

 **PP 12:11pm:** Calm down, boy!

 **PP 12:11pm:** now I’m laughing too hard to see my phone screen properly

 **PP 12:12pm:** Believe it or not, it is not in fact your staggering masculinity that attracts me to you

 **AR 12:13pm:** Bracing for glib comment about how the pay-for-service aspect is what attracted you

 **PP 12:14pm:** No, uh… I meant it

 **PP 12:14pm:** God, that’s almost as embarrassing as a male prima ballerina

 **AR 12:15pm:** THERE’S the glib

 **PP 12:17pm:** Got to keep up a sarcastic smokescreen around my true feelings somehow, don’t I?

 **AR 12:20pm:** Do you?

 **PP 12:22pm:** Oof

 **PP 12:22pm:** not pulling your punches, are you?

 **AR 12:23pm:** Should I?

 **PP 12:25pm:** Maybe not. Haven’t I just said I like you?

 **PP 12:25pm:** Yes. Yes you have.

 

* * *

 

 

**Microsoft Lync**

**James Barnes – Available**

**IM**                           Call                         Video                    Share

_Natasha Romanova_

That was a close one, Buck. I told her I wanted to be a goddamn ballerina

_James Barnes_

                IS THAT TRUE?

_Natasha Romanova_

Fuck

                And now I just can’t STOP telling people, apparently

                Shit!

_James Barnes_

Little baby Nat in a tutu? You’re telling me this is reality? This fantastic mental image is TRUE? Is this the real life????

                I may not be able to contain my joy

_Natasha Romanova_

*Wanted* to be, not was. My childhood was not like that.

                You know what it was like.

_James Barnes_

I’d rather picture the bun and pink slippers, if it’s all the same

                Wouldn’t you?

_Natasha Romanova_

The point is, since when did I start sharing deeply personal secrets that are TRUE?

I forget the role when I’m with her. If I’m not careful I end up being… me.

_James Barnes_

And you want me to say this is a bad thing? Is that right?

_Natasha Romanova_

Well it’s not a fucking good thing! Let’s look at the risks here! She could have figured out I’ve been lying about having a penis this whole time!

_James Barnes_

Romanova, the whole POINT of this operation is that it’s a lie. that’s what she came for, what she PAID for. That’s what she wants from you.

that’s *all* she wants from you.

I’m sorry, Nat.

_Natasha Romanova_

What if I start wanting more than that?

_James Barnes_

Transfer the case. That’s protocol.

_Natasha Romanova_

I can’t do that

_James Barnes_

If you don’t, management’s going to do it for you. you know that.

_Natasha Romanova_

nnnnnnnnngh

_James Barnes_

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve been doing this how long, carrying more accounts than any of us, and this is the first time you’ve gotten too close?

_Natasha Romanova_

I’m not ‘nnnnnngh’ing because I’m not a GOOD ENOUGH WORKER, damn it!

_James Barnes_

You need to take a step back, Nat. Coming from a friend, not a coworker. I mean, when was your last day off?

_Natasha Romanova_

Shit.

_James Barnes_

Don’t log on tomorrow. Just… give yourself a break, okay?

_Natasha Romanova_

Okay.

                I think you’re right.

                Thanks, Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been such a long time! There is a bundle of this in a notebook that needs to be typed, and then it's yours. Eight more weeks of grad school. That's it, guys. Eight more weeks and I can be a human again.


	6. Friday, June 25

**Friday, June 25**

* * *

 

**jbarnes@truluvclub.com – INBOX (16)**

**From:** [hr@truluvclub.com](mailto:hr@truluvclub.com)

**To:** [<All](mailto:vpotts@stark.com) Staff >

**Timestamp:** 08:01:00, 06-25-2012

 **Subject:** Inter-Office Memo

**Reminder :**

Each valued TruLuvClub client has a carefully worded contract. This is done to ensure that our company is properly and fairly reimbursed for all services rendered, and our employees are compensated for their work. Deviating from this policy hurts us all, from CEO to companion to client.

To ensure streamlined, satisfactory services, clients must be issued warning notices when they approach the limits of their TruLuvClub plan so they may upgrade their membership and enjoy whatever level of companionship they enjoy. While it would be crude for a companion to directly issue such a notice, we would like to take this opportunity to remind all of our staff members that it is the obligation of the caseholder to monitor their clients’ usage. When clients exceed their monthly limits, it is the caseholder’s duty to trigger automatic notifications of additional charges accrued to streamline collection procedures and minimize negative client reactions. Staff are reminded that failure to do so will result in automatic payroll deductions of any fees, damages, or unpaid charges. Money can’t buy love if we don’t charge for it J J J !

Many hardworking TLC employees uphold this policy to the letter, and we thank you for you loyal compliance! You deserve to be recognized for your dedication and team spirit. Employees currently out of compliance are reminded that sustained disregard of company policy is grounds for immediate termination.

Best wishes and much happiness,

The TruLuvClub Team

_The ~only~ organic relationship provider on the web since 2009_

 

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**PP 7:21am:** Morning!

 

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – SENT (1)**

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

 **To:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

 **Timestamp:** 9:30:02, 06-25-2012

 **Subject:** Hi

Since when do you sleep in? Are early mornings not in my contract or what? Sorry, sorry, I know you don’t think I’m funny.

I think I’m funny.

 

 

* * *

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

 **To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

 **Timestamp:** 9:30:45, 06-25-2012

 **Subject:** Re: Hi

THIS IS AN AUTOMATED REPLY.

I am currently out of the office. I will make every effort to connect with you when I return.

-AR

 

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**PP 12:30pm:** Hey, I got your out of office reply when I emailed? Which I am thrilled about, actually, because you are on the clock an awful lot for someone always giving me crap about my work/life balance.

 **PP 12:31pm:** I definitely texted to check on you, though, not just issue recriminations

 **PP 3:45pm:** If I’m crazy or annoying you can say so but I’m starting to worry about you


	7. Saturday, June 26

**Saturday, June 26**

* * *

 

 

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**PP 12:11pm:** Officially worried now


	8. Sunday, June 27

**Sunday, June 27**

* * *

 

 

**< _Messages_                        Alex                       _Details_**

**PP 4:23pm:** Alex?


	9. Monday, June 28

**Monday, June 28**

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 8:14:08, 06-28-2012

**Subject:** Re: re: Hi

Pepper,

Would you believe me if I told you I spent the last three days crippled by food poisoning? I’ll spare you the revolting details. Instead let me offer my sincerest apologies. I should have gotten in touch with you—I never meant to cause you worry.

Things are chaotic in the office—of all times to fall ill, I had to choose right before a major grant for disaster relief in Uganda is due! I might not have time to chat today but, please, fill up my inbox updating me on every minute of the spectacular Pepper Potts I have missed. Reading your words will be my refuge from this craziness!

Thinking of you, babe.

-Alex

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        BLOCKED                             _Details_**

**# 8:35am:** Bucky, it’s Nat. I can’t access any of my TLC accounts. My work phone says the SIM is invalid. I know sometimes I’m paranoid but something’s going on, right?

**# 8:37am:**???

**# 8:42am:** Bucky! If you continue ignoring me I will assume this is a hostage situation and mount a *full* rescue

**# 8:43am:** The embarrassing kind of rescue

**# 8:45am:** starting with a hysterical phone call to your estranged ex about how you’ve fallen in with a bad crowd and have been go-go dancing for drug money

**# 8:52am:** Operation Scandalize Steve launches in t-minus 15 minutes

**JB 9:01am:** STAND DOWN I WENT FOR A RUN

**JB 9:01am:** DO NOT CALL STEVE

**JB 9:01am:** UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MAY YOU CALL STEVE

**JB 9:02am:** EVEN IF I AM DEAD I DON’T WANT YOU CALLING STEVE

**JB 9:02am:** GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT

**JB 9:03am:** NATASHA PLS CONFIRM RECEIPT OF MESSAGE

**# 9:03am:** Tell me what’s going on with my TLC accounts or I swear on my toddler-sized pointe shoes I WILL call him

**JB 9:04am:** Wait so you WERE a ballerina?

**# 9:04am:** if you’re not going to take this seriously I’m going to send those pictures from the club on your birthday to his work email

**JB 9:05am:** NAT GOOD GOD, I AM SO FUCKING SERIOUS ABOUT THIS

**JB 9:05am:** I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I KNOW

**JB 9:06am:** HOW DO YOU THINK OF THESE MALICIOUS SCHEMES SO QUICKLY

**# 9:07am:** Why do you think I even bought a camera? This is not a friendship, this is the long game

**# 9:07am:** I don’t hang out w anyone I don’t have dirt on

**# 9:08am:** you know this

**JB 9:08am:** k I’m just gonna disregard all that disturbing info

**JB 9:09am:** all I know is that department quality control went through a bunch of our files the day you were off.

**JB 9:11am:** Ur work station’s cordoned off, just did a walk-by

**JB 9:11am:** Calm down with the threats for a hot minute and I’ll see if I can find out more

**# 9:12am:** Are you asking Margie?

**JB 9:14am:** Whose investigation is this?

**# 9:15am:** [ _image attachment_ ]

**JB 9:16am:** YES I’M ASKING MARGIE

**JB 9:17am:** SOCIOPATH

**# 9:19am:** you’re a pal, barnes

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – DRAFTS (3)**

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [thestark@stark.com](mailto:thestark@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 9:02:44, 06-28-2012

**Subject:** Tech question?

Tony,

I think I’m having an embarrassing personal tech problem and I don’t want to talk about it and I need your help

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [jarvis@stark.com](mailto:jarvis@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 9:05:20, 06-28-2012

**Subject:** Tech support

Jarvis,

My fake internet boyfriend may have been bodysnatched, I need your help and I need Tony to never find out and I don’t know who else to

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [avroman@relieffund.org](mailto:avroman@relieffund.org)

**Timestamp:** 9:06:53, 06-28-2012

**Subject:** Re: re: re: Hi

What is going on with you?? It feels like you’re… not you. Is that crazy? Am I crazy? This entire thing is crazy.

 

* * *

 

** TRULUVCLUB INTERNAL AFFAIRS **

** CASEHOLDER: #335701                  PERSONA: “ALEX ROMAN”          CLIENT: VIRGINIA POTTS **

****

** TRANSCRIPT OF INCOMING CALL FROM CLIENT TO CASEHOLDER #335701 **

**_(monitored for customer satisfaction)_ **

**__ **

**MONDAY, 28TH JUNE, 2012                        TIME: 9:17:13**

AR: Hello?

VP: Um… Alex?

AR: Yes? Hello? This is Alex.

VP: Okay, now that I’ve called you, it definitely feels crazy. I’m sorry. I should hang up. Is this crazy?

AR: Of course not, babe. I’m happy to hear from you. We can add phone calls to our relationship if you want to take that step. I think I’m ready, too.

VP: What? No, I just— it’s that email you sent me. It didn’t… it was weird. And then I was going to email you back about it, and then I realized that I’d just be emailing the weird email and… Am I making sense?

AR: Um…

VP: I feel paranoid. I’m being paranoid, aren’t I? Wait, no, please don’t answer that, it’ll only make me suspicious.

AR: I will admit I am slightly overwhelmed by this. Do you always have this much energy in the morning? Because maybe decaf would be appropriate. It’s only 7 am here, babe.

VP: …No it’s not.

AR: What? I’m looking at the clock right now. It’s 7 am in Palo Alto.

VP: You aren’t IN Palo Alto. You’re in, I don’t know, Moscow or something. Russia, anyway.

AR: Russia? Who told you—when did I tell you that?

**[CALL TERMINATED]  
**

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        BLOCKED                             _Details_**

**JB 9:51am:** I did what I could, Nat.

**JB 9:52am:** Which is to say, I have good news  & I have bad news

**JB 9:52am:** Margie said you’d been taken off the account, permanently. But I convinced her to assign it to me.

**# 9:53am:** So you’ll tell Pepper what happened

**JB 9:55am:** Big Brother is watching, you know I can’t do that

**#** **9:55am:** explain to me how this is helpful, then. Which part exactly is supposed to be good news.

**JB 9:56am:** She called.

**# 9:56am:**

**# 9:56am:**

**# 9:57am:**

**JB 9:57am:** Stop texting me empty bubbles Nat

**# 9:58am:** Then provide more information!!!

**JB 9:58am:** They sent her an email from Alex this morning. It made her suspicious, so she called.

**JB 9:59am:** She seems… slightly crazy

**JB 9:59am:** I mean, totally charming, cute voice, sounds freckly, etc.

**JB 10:00am:** but like, low-key kinda crazy

**# 10:00am:**

**# 10:00am:**

**JB 10:01am:** OK u realize it does take time 2 type right

**JB 10:01am:** Like more time than spamming empty bubbles

**# 10:02am:**

**JB 10:02am:** IM TRYING

**JB 10:03am:** IT SLOWS DOWN THE SPEED @ WHICH I CN PROVIDE DETAILS WHEN I HAVE TO YELL AT U FOR HARRASSMENT

**# 10:03am:**

**JB 10:04am:** OMG natasha

**JB 10:04am:** So she called

**JB 10:04am:** and I was Alex

**JB 10:04am:** and I wasn’t you

**JB 10:05am:** and she knew.

**JB 10:05am:** I swear to god if you send another empty bubble

**# 10:05am:** how did she know? What did she say?

**# 10:06am:** BUCKY

**# 10:06am:** Did she say anything about me?

**JB 10:07am:** No, she was pretty worked up. Fast talker, that one. I guess she was upset by an email from “you”  & seemed really invested in whether I thought she was crazy

**JB 10:07am:** She knew I was in Russia, you must have told her that. I stuck to the profile, insisted I was in California. She hung up after that.

**# 10:08am:** She does that when she gets angry

**JB 10:08am:** …not that you don’t know her intimately after three weeks but so does, like, everyone

**# 10:09am:** Shut up

**# 10:09am:** No one asked you

**# 10:10am:** Isn’t Quality Control going to come down hard on you for this? The last thing I want is you taking the fall for me  & my indiscretion

**JB 10:11am:** Calm down

**JB 10:11am:** I was following company policy to the letter. They can’t punish me for going with what’s in the profile, especially on an inherited account. Just makes you look bad for not keeping more current records. Anyway if it wasn’t for your heinously unethical behavior she’d never have known we’re at an overseas call center in the first place, right?

**# 10:12am:** Thanks, Bucky

**# 10:12am:** I owe you for this

**JB 10:14am:** For my repayment I would like you to delete those pictures. Like all of the pictures. Including the back-ups.

**# 10:15am:** Consider it done.

**JB 10:15am:** And I want to WATCH you do it. None of this taking it on faith bullshit. i trust you much less far than I can throw you

**# 10:16am:** I already agreed!  You are so bad at being gracious

**JB 10:16am:** I know your tricks, Romanoff

**JB 10:18am:** I’m on to you

**JB 10:18am:** I’m wise to your jive

**# 10:19am:**

**JB 10:19am:** Yeah that one was too much

**JB 10:19am:** My bad

**JB 10:20am:** Now stop texting me and go get the girl

 


	10. Monday, June 28, pt. II

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [nat_nova@gmail.com](mailto:nat_nova@gmail.com)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 11:02:57, 06-28-2012

**Subject:**

You have no reason to read this email.

You’ve probably decided this is all a scam. Elaborate cat-fishing scheme or some kind of weirdly sexual identity theft. You probably didn’t even open this email. _I_ wouldn’t have opened this email.

Of course, I’ve been told I have trust issues.

Why am I writing an email, then, that has little chance of being read and still less chance of being believed? (Do I sound like a porn bot or not? I am really going for ‘not’.) It is a fair question and one I cannot answer. I am not overly given to futile efforts, generally, but here I am. Here we are.

I have had fewer answers, fewer explanations, far less _sense_ , you should know, since I met you. I have been less sure of my own desires, motives, beliefs—my own self. Since I met you.

Perhaps you have become less certain, too.

I have not been paid to write this. I am in violation of company policy and breaking at least two privacy laws, to write this. I will probably lose my job. This is not such a great job, of course—on the surface. But it allows me to gather intel on certain… persons of global interest. My boss, my real boss, is invested in the utility of this position. Of having digital slatterns in his employ. Less degrading than some other postings, if you’ll believe it. And I’ve been good at the work. It’s a valuable cover, as well—no one really suspects their techno call girl to be an elite intelligence operative for a shadowy spy organization.

Well, surprise. Cover blown.

My point is—my point is I am throwing away every advantage to pursue my feelings for you. My god, how sordid does that sound? I hope you’re a Jane Austen fan. I confess I am glad, in part, that you are almost certainly not reading this. I think I’ll continue assuming you’ll discard this as the strenuous but ultimately scammy effort of a porn bot. It will be easier to be honest that way.

I’ll be embarrassed, if you do read it. But embarrassment is the least of what you’ve made me feel.

Did I really just type that? Yes, yes I did. I’ve been working at TruLuvClub too long, it’s getting to me. Maybe the loss of this cover is timely after all.

So probably I should address the secret agent stuff. You’re probably wondering. I’d be a little concerned if you weren’t wondering, honestly. It’s like, my one cool secret. (Nope, that’s a lie. I’m sorry. Lies are default. I am trying very hard to be here, to be honest. There are many other cool secrets. Maybe I’ll tell them to you someday, baby.) (I was going to use a winky face to make it clear that last sentence was a joke, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t. I am not an emoji person. I hope this does not disappoint you.)

Anyway. Your account came directly to me because of the Stark suffix on your email address. Don’t feel too frightened, please—I have eight other Stark employees on my caseload. We have a manipulation planted in the TLC system so I get all of them. I am eight different people to them, and none of those people are me. This is me, Pepper. I am trying so, so hard to be just… me.

I suppose you already know Tony Stark is a person of interest. I have several clients from the Future Foundation too, to keep an eye on what Richards is up to. I’m not stalking you, is my point. Or at least, not _just_ you.

What a mess this all is. What a mess you’ve made of me.

If you _are_ reading this, Pepper. If there is a chance. Well, you have no reason to trust me, to believe these feelings are real. We’ve discussed at length you lack of reasons. But this is me, really me. Off the company server, off the company clock. And I want to say I’m sorry. I have been as honest a liar as I knew how to be, but I won’t deny I have lied.

I am done lying now.

I very much would like a life that has you in it. If such a thing is possible, write back with haste! Not to be overly Austen, but it seems likely I will die of your silence. Unaccustomed to leaving myself vulnerable, on purpose, for any length of time.

If it is not—if you do not feel the way I do, or if you cannot forgive any one of my many transgressions, or if the pretext of love and not the real thing is truly all you wanted—of course I will let you go. I will end this at once. I will not bother you again.

It has truly been my pleasure to make your acquaintance, Pepper Potts.

Yours,

N

 

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – SENT (1)**

**From:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**To:** [nat_nova@gmail.com](mailto:nat_nova@gmail.com)

**Timestamp:** 12:31:00, 06-28-2012

**Subject:** Re:

Having trouble w the remote communication thing. too many internet boyfriends w too many IP addresses. Common problem, I’m sure. No offense, but I don’t quite trust you. sounds too much like—like what a desperate TLC employee think I want to hear, I guess. Except the whole random spy thing??? What the fuck is that??? Having trouble w that part. Bc, again, THE FUCK IS THAT.

Anyway. As you can see. Things are rocky over here. did you tip me off over the phone on purpose? No, because that’s insane. You’re making me insane.

And who the fuck is N????

 

* * *

 

**vpotts@stark.com – INBOX (1)**

**From:** [nat_nova@gmail.com](mailto:nat_nova@gmail.com)

**To:** [vpotts@stark.com](mailto:vpotts@stark.com)

**Timestamp:** 12:43:45, 06-28-2012

**Subject:** Re: re:

Okay so there’s one other thing I technically neglected to tell you

fuck

 

it’s easier if I just show you

 

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        BLOCKED                             _Details_**

**# 1:51pm:** I’m going to Los Angeles

**JB 1:55pm:** um excuse me?

**# 1:55pm:** Not sure when I’ll be back

**JB 1:57pm:** Natasha no offense but WHAT ARE YOU DOING

**# 1:58pm:** Fury’s gonna love it

**# 1:58pm:** You’ll see

**JB 1:59pm:** please tell me she at least knows you’re a girl

**JB 2:03pm:** NaT? that is NOT a happy airport arrivals gate surprise

**JB 2:04pm:** NAT

**JB 2:07pm:** this will not play out like love actually I REPEAT this will not play out like love actually

**JB 2:09pm:** Natasha!

**# 2:11pm:** captain says we have to turn off phones. Sorry!


	11. Tuesday, June 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one. Thanks for reading, thanks for being endlessly enthusiastic and supportive, thanks for shipping this dazzling lady ship with me!

* * *

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Jarvis                     _Details_**

**JARVIS 8:07am:** Miss Potts, there’s someone here to see you. I’ve already explained your schedule doesn’t show any meetings this morning, and the individual is rather more ragged than a business appointment would suggest. Shall I send them away?

**PP 8:09am:** Credentials?

**JARVIS 8:09am:** I’ve run her ID, Miss Potts. She’s not in our system. She says she’s from SHIELD.

**JARVIS 8:10am:** She also says she’s had quite a long flight.

**JARVIS 8:11am:** I’m afraid she’s not very pleasant, Miss Potts.

**PP 8:13am:** Oh, god. What has Tony done now?

**JARVIS 8:13am:** I’ve already asked. She won’t say.

**PP 8:15am:** I really cannot handle this today, Jarvis. Send her to 1300.

**JARVIS 8:15am:** Miss Potts, that’s Mr. Stark’s office.

**PP 8:16am:** A human receptionist wouldn’t question me

**JARVIS 8:16am:** Miss Potts, you and I are both aware that that remark is both speciest and hurtful.

**JARVIS 8:18am:** I’ve sent her up.

 

* * *

 

**< _Messages_                        Tony                      _Details_**

**TS 8:29am:** Pep you should come to my office right away

**TS 8:30am:** Pep I’m not kidding

**TS 8:32am:** I swear this isn’t about my colonscopy

**PP 8:35am:** Last time you said that you called me in to look at pictures of RECTAL POLYPS

**TS 8:36am:** Well and I still think you overreacted to that

**TS 8:36am:** It’s not like they were MY polyps

**TS 8:37am:** Now that I say that I’m not actually sure if that makes it better

**TS 8:38am:** You know what? Point Pepper. That one goes to you.

**TS 8:39am:** Will you come to my office now?

**PP 8:40am:** And somehow we are STILL discussing polyps

**PP 8:40am:** I believe I made my stance on polyp discussions perfectly clear last time

**TS 8:41am:** So we agree? Boss’s polyps  > stranger’s polpys?

**PP 8:41am:** TONY

**TS 8:42am:** PEPPER

**TS 8:42am:** I asked you to come to my office over 10 minutes ago! What are you doing texting? We need to talk about your professionalism!

**TS 8:43am:** C’mon Pep you know I’m not good at waiting

**TS 8:44am:** Jarvis says you’re avoiding walking around today because you wore those really uncomfortable heels

**TS 8:44am:** He also suspects you of *experiencing emotions* based on some episode of rudeness this morning

**TS 8:45am:** Will you let these allegations stand???

 

 

* * *

**< _Messages_                        BLOCKED                             _Details_**

**# 8:36am:** I’m having trouble believing you ever dated this guy.

**# 8:37am:** I don’t know why you sent me to his office but he is showing me really terrible pictures and it is just KILLING the grand romantic gesture I was attempting to make

**# 8:37am:** I just don’t know if there’s room for romance in a world where rectal polyps exist.

**PP 8:38am:** Who is this?

**PP 8:38am:** Is this the SHIELD representative I sent to Tony’s office??

**PP 8:39am:** Did he GIVE YOU MY PHONE NUMBER?

**PP 8:39am:** Answer quickly, a man’s life hangs in the balance

**# 8:40am:** Yes and yes

**# 8:40am:** I came here to tell you something

**# 8:41am:** But I feel now that flying here and storming directly from the airplane into your workplace was ill-advised

**# 8:42am:** …especially THIS workplace

**PP 8:42am:** I’m coming up

**# 8:42am:** Pepper, wait

**# 8:43am:** I’d rather tell you through a screen after all

 

 

* * *

 

** ***CONFIDENTIAL FOOTAGE*** **

**CLOSED SECURITY LOOP – 1300 EXECUTIVE SUITE – OFFICE OF A. STARK – 29 JUNE 2012, 8:48:04**

_Jarvis Speech-to-Text Technology             © STARK INDUSTRIES_

_Anthony Stark:_ I mean I’m flatted by his interest, I am, but I don’t know how many ways Fury wants to hear it—

_Natasha Romanoff:_ Mr. Stark, I cannot stress enough that I did not come here to speak to you. I would vastly prefer not to be speaking to you at all.

_Anthony Stark:_ Playing hard to get isn’t going work. Although maybe Fury should try it. Sending over his most alluring operatives is hardly—

_[Microphone registers sound of double doors slamming into office walls, likely necessitating yet another coat of paint for Mr. Stark’s office]_

_Pepper Potts:_ WHAT IS GOING ON

_Pepper Potts:_ Um—I’m sorry, I got a little worked up while I was running, I was not planning on bursting in here shouting—I’d like to ask that again at a more normal volume.

_Anthony Stark:_ Pepper, this is Natasha Romanoff. She’s here to beg me to join a super secret superhero team.

_Natasha Romanoff:_ For the eighth time, Mr. Stark, that is not why I came here.

_Tony Stark:_ She’s playing hard—

_Pepper Potts:_ Why did you come here?

_Natasha Romanoff:_ I came for you.

_Anthony Stark:_ I’m a highly desirable addition to any—

_Natasha Romanoff:_ Pepper, it’s me. …Alex.

_Pepper Potts:_ Your given name is Natasha.

_Natasha Romanoff:_ Yes.

_Pepper Potts:_ That’s why you wouldn’t tell me.

_Natasha Romanoff:_ Yes.

_Pepper Potts:_ Because you’re—you’re—

_Natasha Romanoff:_ A woman. Yes. Which I understand to be non-negotiable for some.

_Anthony Stark:_ Is it just me or is there something else going on here?

_Natasha Romanoff:_ I understand that it’s a lot to process. I would never expect you to… I only hoped… You read my email? What I… said.

_Pepper Potts:_ Yes.

_Pepper Potts:_ It’s funny—I thought I didn’t know how to respond properly in text. Now I don’t know how to say it in person. It is possible that I don’t know what to say, or how to say it, in any given format… God, this did not make trust easier. You are aware of that?

_Natasha Romanoff:_ Please, try. The suspense…

_Anthony Stark:_ Jarvis, what is this email? Get me this email. I need to be brought up to speed, here.

_Pepper Potts:_ Jarvis, DO NOT. Tony—Tony, please leave.

_Anthony Stark:_ This is my office!

_Pepper Potts:_ For me. As a favor. Please.

_Anthony Stark_ : A favor like going with a friend to their scary medical procedure, you mean?

_Anthony Stark:_ I’m staying.

_Pepper Potts:_ Fine. Just—fine. Alex—Natasha. Whoever. I felt it too. All the lies, the artifice, the distance—the fairly major illusions apparently in place, what I would like to call _outright deception_ —in spite of all of it. I did. I did feel it.

_Natasha Romanoff:_ Past tense.

_Pepper Potts:_ No? I don’t know. Maybe? All the outright deception has been—very confusing. And now you’re _here_ , and you’re—you’re—

_Anthony Stark:_ Incredibly hot.

_Pepper Potts:_ And _he’s_ here, and really none of this is how I imagined it would be.

_Natasha Romanoff:_ But you did imagine it.

_[13 seconds of dead air]_

_[Microphone registers sounds of Mr. Stark’s agitated assault on his hand terminal, searching furiously for emails relevant to the Avengers Initiative he was not copied on.]_

_Natasha Romanoff:_ It’s okay, Pepper. It was… an impulse, coming here, putting you on the spot. I didn’t think. I am not usually so… Well. I didn’t think.

_Pepper Potts:_ No, don’t do that. I mean, it’s not so nonnegotiable with me. Your being a woman. I—god, this is more embarrassing than I—I’ve been with a woman before. But—

_[Microphone registers sounds of Mr. Stark’s hand terminal clattering to the floor.]_

_Anthony Stark_ : I’M SORRY WHAT? MORE INFORMATION NEEDED!

_Natasha Romanoff:_ I could remove him, if he won’t remove himself.

_Anthony Stark_ : Nice try, sweetheart. My armor will be here before you—heeeeURggh.

_[Microphone registers sound of Mr. Stark being bodily removed from Room 1300. Microphone registers sound of doors closing.]_

_Natasha Romanoff:_ You were saying?

_Pepper Potts:_ I think I was saying… okay.

_Natasha Romanoff:_ Okay?

_Pepper Potts:_ Let’s try it.

_Natasha Romanoff:_ You’re not just saying that because I demonstrated my utility as a Stark collar?

_Pepper Potts:_ If I’m using you for anything, it’s obviously the Russian accent.

_Anthony Stark [muffled]:_ Jarvis override the door locks! Pepper could be in danger!

_Pepper Potts:_ Ballerina makes more sense now, you know.

_Anthony Stark [muffled]:_ OR KISSING!

_Natasha Romanoff:_ You’re standing awfully close, Miss Potts.

_Pepper Potts:_ If Tony’s going to tell the entire company I commandeered his office to make out with a SHIELD agent _anyway…_

_Natasha Romanoff_ : No arguments with that logic.

_Pepper Potts:_ Shhh. Enough words from you. Natasha.

_[47 seconds of dead air]_

_Natasha Romanoff:_ …Pepper.

 

 

 

_**the   end** _

 


End file.
